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If you think education is expensive, try ignorance!

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality

There are two kinds of statistics: the kind you look up and the kind you make up.

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him

Why is it when we talk to God we're praying -- but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?

I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty.